Oops

The thing about talking on the phone is it makes it awfully hard to hear your stomach. Today I got a call from my wonderful friend Mary as I was leaving work. I talked to her on my way to the grocery store, while I picked out what I was going to have for dinner, on my way home from the grocery store, and while I made dinner. And I completely ignored both my stomach and common sense.

Ok, what to eat, what to eat.

Oh, you're thinking about going back to Portland?

Hmmm.., an apple sounds good.

No, not Americorps, again!? Really?

Ooh, tiny onions!

But is that arty enough for you?

SAUSAGE! It was so good in cooking class, I could use some more sausage.

Mary, should I get turkey sausage or chicken sausage? Oh, that's right, you don't eat meat.

Wine sauce. Good with clams = good with chicken sausage.

So you're sick of living with your parents after only a week?

Don't need wine, have plenty... should leave.

I totally remember that! You are the most awkward person I know!

Natural Soda? Yes please.

You would be the best museum curator ever.

I can't believe this was only 5 dollars!!

Oh, not curator? Manager? Samesies.

Ok, start by boiling water for pasta.

So, what's this boy's deal?

Yes, just like cooking class, simmer up some wine

Wait, you aren't awkward in Texas, just in Portland? I don't understand.

Chop chop chop. Granny Smith Apple, Onion, Garlic.

How many people live there?

Oh! Add pasta to pot.

Really? I did not know that still happened

Ok, apple sausage is something. And cooking sausage in wine is something. And boiling brats in beer and onions is something. So I'll just add these chopped green apples and onions and garlic to the wine, then throw in the sausage, cover it and walk away.

So what are you doing when you aren't hanging with the fam?

Herbs!! Yes, fresh herbs. I'll just pick some oregano, thyme and rosemary and throw it in.

So he was outside of the bar smoking a cigarette and you were outside the bar knitting?

Ok, time to take out the sausage and brown it and reduce the sauce. Should probably add some butter.

Well, I should probably get going, my dinner is almost ready. Talk to you soon!

Oh --- dear --- lord,

what have I done?

In case you're wondering it wasn't good. It was kind of like buttery white wine applesauce with onions and garlic and really pale mushy leaves in it served over not done noodles with crusty meat-like disks.

The moral of this story, kiddos, is to never neglect your stomach even for your dear friend Mary unless you are willing to have handfuls of dry raisin bran for dinner.