Oops

The thing about talking on the phone is it makes it awfully hard to hear your stomach. Today I got a call from my wonderful friend Mary as I was leaving work. I talked to her on my way to the grocery store, while I picked out what I was going to have for dinner, on my way home from the grocery store, and while I made dinner. And I completely ignored both my stomach and common sense.

Ok, what to eat, what to eat.

Oh, you're thinking about going back to Portland?

Hmmm.., an apple sounds good.

No, not Americorps, again!? Really?

Ooh, tiny onions!

But is that arty enough for you?

SAUSAGE! It was so good in cooking class, I could use some more sausage.

Mary, should I get turkey sausage or chicken sausage? Oh, that's right, you don't eat meat.

Wine sauce. Good with clams = good with chicken sausage.

So you're sick of living with your parents after only a week?

Don't need wine, have plenty... should leave.

I totally remember that! You are the most awkward person I know!

Natural Soda? Yes please.

You would be the best museum curator ever.

I can't believe this was only 5 dollars!!

Oh, not curator? Manager? Samesies.

Ok, start by boiling water for pasta.

So, what's this boy's deal?

Yes, just like cooking class, simmer up some wine

Wait, you aren't awkward in Texas, just in Portland? I don't understand.

Chop chop chop. Granny Smith Apple, Onion, Garlic.

How many people live there?

Oh! Add pasta to pot.

Really? I did not know that still happened

Ok, apple sausage is something. And cooking sausage in wine is something. And boiling brats in beer and onions is something. So I'll just add these chopped green apples and onions and garlic to the wine, then throw in the sausage, cover it and walk away.

So what are you doing when you aren't hanging with the fam?

Herbs!! Yes, fresh herbs. I'll just pick some oregano, thyme and rosemary and throw it in.

So he was outside of the bar smoking a cigarette and you were outside the bar knitting?

Ok, time to take out the sausage and brown it and reduce the sauce. Should probably add some butter.

Well, I should probably get going, my dinner is almost ready. Talk to you soon!

Oh --- dear --- lord,

what have I done?

In case you're wondering it wasn't good. It was kind of like buttery white wine applesauce with onions and garlic and really pale mushy leaves in it served over not done noodles with crusty meat-like disks.

The moral of this story, kiddos, is to never neglect your stomach even for your dear friend Mary unless you are willing to have handfuls of dry raisin bran for dinner.

A look back...

Wondering what I've been eating? I am.

April 21- cranberry raspberry yogurt; apple; orange; banana; entire bag of goldfish crackers; burger with gorgonzola cheese; sunchokes

April 22- apple with peanut butter; chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry rhubarb sauce; scrambled eggs with kale; margherita pizza; dark chocolate covered nuts

April 23- crumb cake; variety of pureed foods (I don't want to talk about it); strawberry banana smoothie, fritos, salumi salami, gorgonzola cheese, mozzarella cheese, clam and zucchini pasta with white wine sauce; tiramisu

April 24- fritos; hot dog with cream cheese; salad; beer; half a hamburger; fries; mozzarella sticks; few handfuls of raisin bran

April 25- cheese bagel with cream cheese; chorizo and pepper pockets; beer; chocolate peanut butter ice cream

April 26- french toast with strawberry rhubarb sauce; cheddar cheese; margaritas; baguette and cheese

I think my stomach needs to crave more vegetables...

Breakfast

One thing my stomach always wants is breakfast. Some days, a yogurt will suffice. Some times I need more. Today, I needed a monster feast. I woke up STARVING. And when I thought about it, my stomach was right yet again. I really haven't eaten very much this weekend. I got caught up in other things, I had a different schedule, and I forgot to eat. And my stomach let me know this morning that it was NOT HAPPY with my choices.

I would say about once or twice a week I get a message like this from the gut. Basically, it just tells me to eat and eat and eat and eat. Until I get full. Now, you might think, hey, I thought you were letting your stomach make all the choices, so why don't you always eat until you are full. And I promise you, I do. But this is a different kind of full. This is a kind of full that can only be obtained when I am STARVING. I don't know how to describe it, other than saying it is painful, but exciting. I really enjoy eating and eating and eating.

Before, when I let my brain do the thinking, I would be STARVING and I would just eat a normal amount. Sometimes I even enjoyed the pain. It would, of all things, make me feel skinny. Which is just stupid. And later, after I enjoyed the pain, I would reward myself. With a cookie. And then, hey why not another cookie. And, you know, I did such a good job ignoring my hunger earlier that I could probably have some ice cream. And eventually I would fulfill my hunger. But in a way that made me feel gross. Now, I acknowledge and treat the hunger. And I try to make the most of it.

So, to appease the devil that is my stomach, I made a delicious spring breakfast today. I had orange french toast from a baguette and strawberry rhubarb sauce. I can't be too proud, because the sauce recipe was from my cooking class, and french toast is so easy to make, but I can still be a little proud. And I am. It was delicious.

If your curiouos, here is what I did. The strawberry rhubarb sauce is adapted from Cynthia Lair.

3 tablespoons water
1 tablespoon sugar
1 stick rhubarb, diced
3 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon orange juice
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 12" long baguette, sliced in 1" pieces
1 tablespoon butter
10 strawberries, halved with stems removed
Juice from half a lemon

Heat water in small saucepan over medium high heat. Add sugar and mix until dissolved. Add rhubarb and cover, simmering over medium heat for about 5 minutes. Add strawberries and lemon juice, reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes, or until completely soft and easily mashable with a fork. Remove from heat and allow to cool slightly.

While the sauce is cooking, combine the egg, milk, orange juice and cinnamon. Mix thoroughly. Soak the baguette slices in the egg mixture, turning to make sure they are completely covered.

Heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Add butter. When butter is completely melted add slices of french toast to the skillet, filling but not over crowding. Flip the bread when bottom is slightly browned, about 2 minutes. Let the other side brown the same amount and remove from skillet. Repeat until all bread is gone.

Serve French toast with strawberry sauce on top.

Sunburn

Ok, so I've lived in the Pacific Northwest for long enough to know that it's not summer yet. But I also know when a teaser summer day presents itself, you take advantage. So today, after 6 hours in the sun, my stomach is happy but hungry. And craving summer food: hamburgers. Which means re-acquainting myself with my favorite appliance--the grill!!

Despite the fact that the day was set up for disasters: only a half hour of sun left, propane tank (yes, propane, whatever) not hooked up, really have to pee but there isn't enough time (wait, yes there is, there's always time for pee), handling a grill and a stove top that are 20 feet apart with a screen door and two cats in between, timing two meal parts to be done at the same time, and managing the pain of my sunburn. But, this time, everything went fine. My finesse on the grill came back to me, I can totally grill in the dark, my timing is awesome, the sunburn kept me warm when the sun went down. And, I ended up with an amazing burger- with fresh rosemary, thyme, and gorgonzola cheese. Needless to say- it was the perfect end to a perfect summer day.

Oh, were you looking for a rant? Well, you're in luck...

Why do people have to work out outside? I mean, OK, it's like the nicest day ever. But maybe there should be a special place for those special people who feel the need to work out. Yeah, like an enclosed space where the rest of us don't have to see them. Like a jail. With a concrete wall that is both vision and sound proof. I mean c'mon, who runs? Right? Whatever, running is good for you but so boring. And really hard. I walk. I WALK. That's right, I walk to the grocery store, I walk to the Boxcar, sometimes I even walk for fun. But who cares? Really, can't I just take care of myself without running or doing lunges and push-ups and jumping rope in public places? Ok, jumping rope is fun, especially since I double dutch like crazy. One time. But let me ask again, who runs? Except from bears, I just can't figure it out. And seriously, why do runners have to totally ruin my day by running. Oh you think you're so great? Well, check out this sunburn, bitch.

Oh, Bastyr students? Wondering what those potatoes are in the picture? Oh, they're not potatoes, they're those mysterious Jerusalem Artichokes. Prebiotics for my probiotics.

Uggh

An interesting thing about following your stomach is that sometimes you just don't feel good. When I started this experiment, a few months ago, I went through a number of phases like this. When I started eating cereal again (not just any cereal, Cinnamon Life cereal) I felt great and then terrible in a matter of a few days. Same thing with cheese crackers. I went through a lot of phases where my excitement to eat whatever I wanted would lead to me overdoing one particular food. And I wouldn't necessarily realize it right away. I would think, "I feel terrible. Tired, headaches, stomach aches, nausea." But it would take a few days for my stomach to say, "OK! Enough already. Let's try something else."

Lately, I had been thinking my stomach was getting better at this, but today I can solidly say not always. After a weekend of drinking beer, sitting in the sun, eating homemade bread, fruit, and whatever happy hours provided I feel terrible. And I have for three days now. I can distinctly remember feeling kinda crappy on Saturday, and then almost exactly repeating what I had done on Friday. Same thing on Sunday. In fact, it wasn't until last night that my stomach finally said, "Stop!". Pretty disappointing.

But, in every terrible stomach ache there is a lesson. And maybe this one came at exactly the right time, right before summer and the temptations to do nothing but drink yummy beer in the sun. So, hopefully next time a beautiful day presents me with nothing to do but relax, I will bring WATER and VEGETABLES and limit myself to just ONE BEER IN THE SUN. Got it?

Wisconsin!

I'm not even going to try to express my love. http://www.bratfest.com/

A look back...

Curious about what I've been eating? Me too. Let's look back...

April 10- marzipan croissant; cheeseburger with avocado; mozzarella sticks; homemade zucchini, onion, olive oil, and squash flat bread pizza and gorgonzola cheese and onion flat bread pizza; macaroni and cheese

April 11- strawberry orange french toast; homemade prosciutto and arugula pizza; beer

April 12- homemade bread with brie, raw honey, strawberries and blackberries; thinly sliced steak and butter sandwiches on homemade bread; asparagus with glazed pecans; wine; homemade bread with brie, raw honey, strawberries and blackberries (yes, again)

April 13- raisin bran with almond milk; homemade bread with raspberry jam; vegan chocolate raspberry cake; homemade bread with sliced cheese infused bratwurst and havarti cheese; grapes

April 14- raisin bran with almond milk; coconut and peach scone; double chocolate cookie; bread with butter; pizza with italian sausage, beer

April 15- raisin bran with almond milk; raspberry scone; curry with quinoa and cucumber sauce (cooking class); date and nut balls (cooking class); chocolate croissant; miso soup; orange; grapes

Ok, so that's a lot of pizza. But also I ate GOOD this week. That bread was maybe the best thing that ever happened to me. Also, I guess I really like raisin bran with almond milk. I should also say that I have felt wonderful this week- energetic, cheery, and even creative.

Brain vs. Beast

Please don't feel bad for my stomach. When I call her a beast, I promise you she likes it. In fact, she couldn't be happier since she has complete control of my life. She just loves to drive my brain crazy, especially when I try to overthink food. So, if I spend a few hours learning about the benefits of flavonoids, found in, you know, fruits and vegetables, SHE will probably want pizza. But today, I thought I had her. We learned about fats this morning. If there is one thing my stomach always wants its fats. And I'm cool with that. It turns out, my brain also loves fat (it's filling, it's delicious, and gosh darn it people like it). SO, imagine my surprise when I get done with work and my stomach wants fruit. Without cheese. And miso soup.

The one time I think I know what's coming BAM she goes and wants soup. SOUP! And fruit. For reals? Are you kidding me?? I'm over this. OVER THIS. Do you know what I would have done for fruit a few days ago? The peace of mind I could have had devouring my flavanoids and vitamins and minerals?? Well obviously she just doesn't care. I think that's pretty clear. And you know what? Maybe I don't care either... Except how could I not care?? I'm the one doing all the freaking work. I'm the one thinking my way through class ALL DAY. So whatever. WHATever. Fine. Have your soup.

Miso Soup.
From the recipe on my miso container, because, if you haven't already gotten it, whatever. However much mushrooms, onions, and garlic your little heart desires sauteed in oil (that's right, fat), probably toasted sesame oil. When they are soft, add stock until you have as much soup as you want. Add peanut butter (oh, do we only have chunky peanut butter, that's too bad)(also, more fat, so suck it). Simmer for a few minutes. Add a couple of spoonfuls of miso. Simmer for a while longer, I don't know, five more minutes? Add some kale (or whatever) and simmer until the kale is soft, maybe five more minutes. In the meantime I made some soba noodles because both she and I hate rice. Then I mixed them together. Also... it was actually good. And a nice spring meal. And the peanut butter was delicious. WHATEVER.

Completely giving into your stomach can be scary, and sometimes surprising. But I have to say, she usually knows best.

Bread

One thing my stomach always wants is bread. Not sandwich bread, or white bread, or even 100% whole wheat bread. What it really wants is bakery bread. Delicious, crusty on the outside soft on the inside bakery bread. The possibilities are endless: meatball sandwiches, eggplant sandwiches, with butter next to anything, to dip in soup, to put tapenade on, with peanut butter, with jam and goat cheese, just with jam, just with cheese, to soak anything left over on my plate, with spinach artichoke dip, BLT sandwiches, as French toast, and, eventually, to use as breadcrumbs.

This recipe has been haunting me for two years, first via the NY Times itself, then via emails, then via my intention to make it, then a few more emails, and most recently, just last week, a friend told me she did it. So, finally, 884 days after I first saw and was intrigued by this recipe, I went for it. And, for the first 20 hours, I totally rocked this recipe. But, sadly, I missed one key bit of information. A 6-8 quart pan, as it turns out, is fucking huge.

Since I'm dominating the crap out of this recipe, I might as well call my mom to wish her a Happy Easter and rub how awesome my bread is turning out in her face (it should be pointed out that my mom is the nicest lady in ever, and never needs things rubbed in her face). Wow, now she knows just how great I am. Oh! It's time to load my bread dough into a preheated pot. Let me just get this out of the oven and totally ignore the sirens coming from my stupid smoke detector since it is so f-ing sensitive and lift up the towel and HOLY CRAP. The dough has risen. Just like Jesus it has risen and I'm fucked. Because now it is about 5 times too big for any pot I have, let alone the one I preheated as per instructions. I check the recipe and it calls for a 6-8 quart pot. Who uses quarts?? Mine is only 2 quarts!! And it's the biggest pot I have!! What to do? What to do? Crap. I have to call my mom back. And apparently no, a stock pot is not an appropriate way to bake bread. And I loaned my car to Joe, that little mooch. Now I have to WALK in the rain to QFC to buy a new pot while my bread continues to rise. Why didn't I learn anything from Amelia Bedelia? Of course, the store takes forever and it's Easter and it smells like gross fake chocolate and I can't believe how many people I told that I was going to make this bread and now it's a huge failure. And of course, the store doesn't have the size pot I need so I'll just split the dough. Into three loaves, yes, three adorable little loaves. It'll be perfect. But how long should I cook it for? 1/3 of the time?? That's not enough. OK, I'll just stand by the oven the whole time. No big deal. Oh, OK, this is actually no big deal. Oh, it turned out totally fine. I guess I did totally rock this recipe after all. Suck it!

So, here is what my stomach wanted for breakfast today:


Curious? It's bread, brie, raw honey, strawberries and blackberries. Other things my stomach wanted today: asparagus and steak. (It always wants meat...)

Welcome to Bratwurst and Kale

Here's the deal...

In 2006 I graduated from college and left Wisconsin, where beer roams free and brats and cheese mate for life. Three years later here I am, attending Bastyr, a school specializing in natural medicine, to get another degree, this time in nutrition. Now, I find myself a bit stuck. Where does my love of cheese infused meats fit into my awareness of the health benefits of kale? Will delicious beer triumph over beets and kefir?

Some things you should know about my school: I should start out by saying, I love Bastyr. It is a great school, I learn TONS, and people there are truly committed to health equality and social justice. Programs include naturopathic medicine, acupuncture and traditional chinese medicine. When you go to a school like this, personal health and self care are at the center of everything you do. Needless to say, these people eat like total freaks. (I mean, can a girl get a cheesy brat?)

At first, I thought I might be converted:

Maybe I should be eating wheat grass smoothies with arugula and broccolini and maybe some peanut butter and I guess I should throw in some almond butter and maybe some hemp seeds, just to be safe. Or maybe I should do a cleanse, yeah, a cleanse. I won't eat anything but cayenne pepper for a week... no, a day. OK, just a couple of hours. Then I'll eat only raw food for a month. Or less. Can a fast last six hours and still be effective? OK, no more beer. For reals, beer is the worst. And meat? Meat shmeat. Oh, did I say I wasn't eating meat? I must have forgotten about that when I ate that hamburger. Whole grains! That's where it's at. Delicious brown rice. Sure, it's tough and chewy and has a weird flavor. And it takes fucking an hour to cook. But, no matter, health is my number one concern. What? I'm still hungry? Well, let me just binge on this box of *all natural* cheese crackers. Oh, and nothing goes better with salty crackers than chocolate, yeah chocolate. 78% cocoa. Of course, this isn't sweet enough. I'll just add some honey- a totally natural sweetener. Oh crap, but what about the bees? Fuck, the bees! Shit shit shit!

That didn't last long. It's not that I'm not concerned about my own health. I am. And I do think that eating healthy is a great way to take control of your health. But, I also think food should be enjoyable. And I don't think that guilt should have anything to do with the food choices we make.

So, for about four months now I have been letting my stomach make my food decisions, trusting that over time my body will learn to tell me what it needs, and that a truly healthy way of life does not include deprivation from cheese plates or brownies. Understanding that maybe a little bit of trans fat is actually better for me than blocking a food craving in the first place. There are a few limitations. Money matters. So, if I'm really craving Mexican food and someone offers me a free baked potato (seriously, this just happened) I'm going for the baked potato. Similarly, I don't have to go too far out of my way just because I'm craving something. So if I,m at home and all I have is peanut butter and a piece of naan, I may very well eat it, even if the naan is curry flavored (not good, if you were wondering).

But, for the most part, I listen to my gut. I've gone through some weird phases: bread and cheese for dinner every day for two weeks: salads (I have never liked salads before, or since, that one week in December); milk in massive quantities, with or without Life cereal; guacamole, guacamole, guacamole; butter on everything, peanut butter on everything; homemade Gorgonzola cheese and onion pizzas; Indian food (on a side note: never, ever buy Indian food from Trader Joe's- ever); salami, cheese and crackers; pasta with Alfredo sauce and toasted bread to dip in the Alfredo sauce; and, most recently, a return to my "native" food: brats.

Please, join me as I allow my stomach complete control of my life.